An attempt to be transparent.

Hi, Im Ashleigh. Its really tough for me to open up to ppl. Even my closest friends don't know that half of what goes on with me. Tonight I'm pretty much in my feelings so blleeeehhh I'm about to spill a little out. Just a little.
    Sooooo ok I'm just getting in from the movies. I went to see Jumping the Broom with my sister (the only person I seem to go on movie dates with as of late) The movie was a little campy but the eye candy was MUCH appreciated. But I digress. It had me thinking, will I ever get married? 
    Once I was dating this guy, and my mom jokingly told me she sent me to college to get my Mrs. (ya know like B.S B.A PhD?) Anywhoooooo I thought about what she said over and over. This young man was nice but not who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Is there a person I'll meet that I want to spend my forever with?? I thought thats what I wanted with my first love...That would be a tumultuous forever. Intense to say the least. Is that what I want to sign up for?? I'm 20 do I have to choose now???
Half my friends have kids the other half are married... Really?! Is it that time of my life??
    You know how you hit 65 and your friends start dying (morbid example) Ok well you know how you hit 16 and all your friends start losing their V cards... yea is it that time.. to pick a forever partner??
To say yes to living in Oregon with our 3 kids and a Husky? To say yes to living in Connecticut and commuting to our amazing fashion jobs in New York?? Is it THAT TIME??? 
   no. cant be.
I'm 20. I don't know what I want. This is college. My experience wont be like the sitcoms. I'm not gonna find that one that sweeps me off my feet and we run away and get married. I have 8 months left. Im not looking to have a different last name at graduation. All I want to hear is Ashleigh Williams Cum Laud. My grades. Me excelling thats what I want to look back on from college. Not where I searched across campus for a soulmate. I've been here three years, no offense if we're school mates but y'all aren't forever material!!!!
     Who am I to say that? I may meet the one of my dreams this Sunday at Elm St...I doubt it tho (since the world is ending Saturday and all -__- ). I have a few months left here, all I ask is to be entertained..
Burn one.