It's funny that I tend to blog in October.
I swear near my birthday the introspection always begins. What am I doing? What should I be doing?
What do I truly think?
Right now I'm in a crazy place blog.
I'm writing from a state of being unsure. I need to unpack these thoughts. It's typically cathartic. Its crazy that my blog has had so many views. It makes me leery to share. But I don't mind sharing. Who's going to judge me that has not already? At least if I share my thoughts perhaps I can paint a more clear picture of myself.
Thats the thing though...does what others think of you actually matter? Is the opinion of a stranger of any importance? There's this thing that most ppl have. I'm not sure what its called but it causes them to be embarrassed, and self conscious. I don't have that, which kind of sounds like a good thing. Right? But I think its that same awareness of other humans that causes people to be philanthropists and activists and involved with things.
I could not care less.
I feel as though we are each having a unique experience in this thing we call life. I've never really felt like what was going on with other ppl should matter to me. But now I'm learning that if I don't come down to Earth and acknowledge these other humans I may miss out on some grey experiences on this plain.
With all the #blacklivesmatter vs #alllivesmatter I sit and ask myself if other people matter to me. I built this thing. This idea that basically if someone wasn't pro Ash, then that discounted their existence to me. This ability to write people off. But so many things have been brought to my attention was of late.
For one I'm NOT always right. (mind blown)
For two the way other people feel does matter....
People are humans, they make mistakes, they have differences of opinions but that doesn't make them unworthy of a second thought. So the guard I have up, is slowly being dismantled. I don't know what I will meet on the other side. But I've made what may seem like a baby step to you reading this but its like an awakening to me.
Other people matter. This isn't the Truman Show.
Gasp I've also learned that you can't just say and do what you want. But thats another topic for a different day.