Stressy

So my last post I was oh so employable. Alas I am on the job hunt again.

I just need.

I want to do more. I want to do what I love. I really like my job, but I don't make enough money doing it. I'm nervous that I am not living up to my full potential. I'm not putting my degree to use.
I want to travel.
I want to learn.
I want to teach.
I want to not stress my gf out talking about money.

Maybe if I get these thoughts down they'll stop swirling about in my head. I need the room in my brain to fill out job applications. I know I'll find something soon. I'm thankful for my current employment.
My life is pretty awesome so I need to tone down the pity party.

Maybe if I get these thoughts down I'll be fine. Ok so here are my options:

Get a second job. Extra money until I can move up at my current job.
Find a sugar daddy.
Go back to school...........
Abandon fashion, get a higher paying job where no one cares what I'm wearing. EXCEPT that I cant wear my piercings, tattoos and locs...
Don't find another job continue to struggle and complain.
Become a surrogate mother/ sell my eggs/ sell plasma and bone marrow.
Ditch my apt and live smaller and cheaper.
Get rich off dih blawg.


ok those are all of my options...
I see my blog as a way of talking to myself. So I'm sure I'll update myself soon.

Ash

I have a problem, I get JOBS!!

Heavy sigh.
This may not seem like a problem to most. Especially in "this economy" whatever that means. But seriously it is very stressful to receive job offers and new opportunities left and right when you're trying to get acclimated to one!

Yesterday I had to turn down a job I previously accepted. A job I've want since high school. A job I've interviewed for 4 frigging times. All because I had to do what I felt was right. It didn't feel like the right fit for me so why even begin the training process?

I am enjoying my current job. Although the uncertainty of commission keeps me up at night. So as I am content with my employment, so much so that I turned down a more practical position, I am approached about yet another position. Another interview. More interest in me. Why must I be so employable.

Can I work somewhere a year before a new opportunity presents itself? Or nah.

Ugh. *Sets up phone interview*

You probably shouldn't read this... 5.26.2013

I can blog about it though lol.

I can’t write about you.

Like when you write things they actually exist to me.

Words are all I have and it scares me to write this.

I can’t let you read this.

I can’t tell you I wrote about you.

Not for awhile.

When I write I get fake deep.

Tears well up behind my eyes for no reason at all.

Im not upset.

But,

When I begin to get all these thoughts out… its like they all TRY to rush to the page.

I cant write for you.

I cant let you read my real thoughts.

Because then things are real.

I used to let Stink read everything.

I let her in.

I wrote, well threw something together for Lunchbox.

I let him in.

I’m not ready.

My words are my last wall.

My last guard.

If I were to write how I feel.

Then it would be real.

I love having this blog.
But I never use it. 
Heaviest of sighs. 
I like to look back and read the thoughts of an earlier self so I shall post today. 
I think I'm going to write a short story and post it later. 
Yea.

-Ash

I'VE CHECKED SOME THINGS OFF!! 

 

This list is certainly a work in progress a buttt here we go ASHLEIGH"S BUCKET LIST:

-Sky Dive

-tattoo

-24 stamps on my passport

-Walk the runway in a televised fashion show

-Adopt children

- Get a big black dog, Name him Micheal Vick

-FLUENT in another language.. besides sarcasm

-donate my hair to locks of love

-Scuba dive

-Have something published

-Go to Paris to take a pastry class

-Love at first sight. . . 

-Own a boat

-Find out if I have a fear? concur it. (I really dont have any irrational fears I mean I have things I dont like but there isnt one thing that I am just AFRAID of)

-try sushi

-Learn to: skateboard, play the guitar, and pilot a plane

-Read the entire Bible

-Have a dope Azz blog!!

This is all I can think of. If I keep up this blog I'll refer back and check things off ^__^ I wish everyone I knew would post their bucket list because I know yall have some cool ish you want to do!

Thanks for reading 

Ash.